You scumbags, you maggots… leave that sacred Pogues song alone - January 2012 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - January 8th, 2012

The Pogues with Kirsty MacColl. Photograph: Brian Rasic/Rex Features When Colombian drugs lords invented Father Christmas as a marketing tool for cocaine, back in the 1980s, they could never have imagined that this red-faced, overweight man, whipping his staff while shooting through flurries of “snow”, would one day become beloved by infants worldwide. And when,…

Does comic ‘bravery’ go hand in hand with being offensive and stupid? - November 2011 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - November 13th, 2011

Ricky Gervais is an actor, writer, and director. He is brave. I am a standup. I am not brave. I only ever did one brave thing. In 2005, I agreed, while drunk, to jump off the tallest structure in New Zealand. New Zealanders’ high living standards mean they are driven to create artificial jeopardy, usually…

If Damon Albarn is serious about the occult, shouldn’t we call him Damien? - July 2011 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - July 10th, 2011

The 17th-century witchfinder general, Mary Hopkin, roamed Essex on top of a horse, burning witches and stuffing her bearded face with purloined olden-days tavern fayre – crusty bread rolls, steak and ale pies and banana splits. And yet, crawling from Colchester in a crackling cloud of dark energie, it appears the spawn of at least…

If five portions a day are so good, how come rabbits and slugs are so stupid? - June 2011 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - June 12th, 2011

The German E coli bean sprout scandal offers damning evidence that all fruits and vegetables are dirty beyond reason, toxic timebombs that have secreted themselves at the very heart of global cuisine in the form of trusted dietary staples. Yet government food eggheads continue to bray from their state-sterilised laboratories, demanding that we eat at…

The National Trust doesn’t even trust us to have our own thoughts - June 2011 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - June 5th, 2011

The National Trust has concealed recordings of eight celebrities inside benches. Undoubtedly, listening to Claudia Winkleman while contemplating Quarry Bank Mill might help to sensualise the horrors of Industrial Revolution working conditions. And we will one day wonder how we managed to enjoy the 520 acres of Felbrigg Hall without a bench upon which visitors…

Frank Chickens: Edinburgh gods - August 2010 The Observer - August 3rd, 2010

This month, the former Perrier Awards for Comedy on the Edinburgh Fringe have been taken over by Foster’s, the beer company. The main award, which usually goes to an unknown turn, remains. But Foster’s has also invited the public to vote for a “Comedy God” from all the nominees of the last 30 years. This…