Why did the BBC let Andrew Neil combust? - March 2019 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - March 3rd, 2019

Last week, supposedly unprecedented spring wildfires raged across dry, bushy and exposed areas. On Monday, having dealt with serious incidents at Saddleworth Moor and Hundred Acre Wood, teams of specialised firefighters also attended the small piece of Shredded Wheat that lives on top of Andrew Neil’s head. Dozens of grateful weevils were saved from certain…

It’s the thought that counts with Brexit gifts - January 2019 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - January 6th, 2019

The new year slips in, tailgating quietly through the closing crack of the old, and the elderly Brexit-voting racist relatives you tolerated through gritted skull over the festive season, their presence turning Christmas into a three-dimensional LBC phone-in, to be survived only by the anaesthetic of alcohol, have departed. But blood is thicker than water.…

Prepare yourselves for a no-Christmas Brexit in 2019 - December 2018 The Observer - By Father Christmas (as told to Stewart Lee) - December 23rd, 2018

Merry Christmas, Brexit Britain! And a crap EU year!! It’s me, guest Christmas Observer columnist Father Christmas!!! Or Gender-fluid Parent/Carer Winterval, as Boris Piccaninny Watermelon Letterbox Cake Disaster Weightloss Haircut Bullshit Johnson probably pretended the EU insisted on calling me, in his lying column in the Daily Telegraph, Britain’s worst newspaper. But whatever name you…

Why Rees-Mogg is still voting with his feet - December 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - December 2nd, 2018

As the lies that drove Brexit unravel under the spotlight of actual fact, so the reasons bewildered Leave voters gave for supporting it seem increasingly tragic. My relative who wanted to get rid of Pakistanis and Indians, and other people from the far south-eastern region of the EU, finds they are still here, curing him,…

A no-column Brexit is the only way forward - November 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - November 18th, 2018

Dear readers, it has been an honour to try to write this week’s supposedly funny column about Brexit for you. But I regret to say that, after a long and painful struggle through Wednesday 14 November and the morning of Thursday 15 November, attempting to write a funny column on this week’s proposed Brexit deal,…

Is it ethical to raise a royal baby in captivity? - October 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - October 21st, 2018

Royal babies are baked to order, like lucky pies, to provide gurgling distractions in times of crisis. Last week, the world’s scientists agreed we have 12 years to limit the worst climate change damage or face mass extinction. Within days, as floods washed away the villages of the Aude valley and their delicious French wines,…