Prepare yourselves for a no-Christmas Brexit in 2019 - December 2018 The Observer - By Father Christmas (as told to Stewart Lee) - December 23rd, 2018

Merry Christmas, Brexit Britain! And a crap EU year!! It’s me, guest Christmas Observer columnist Father Christmas!!! Or Gender-fluid Parent/Carer Winterval, as Boris Piccaninny Watermelon Letterbox Cake Disaster Weightloss Haircut Bullshit Johnson probably pretended the EU insisted on calling me, in his lying column in the Daily Telegraph, Britain’s worst newspaper. But whatever name you…

Why Rees-Mogg is still voting with his feet - December 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - December 2nd, 2018

As the lies that drove Brexit unravel under the spotlight of actual fact, so the reasons bewildered Leave voters gave for supporting it seem increasingly tragic. My relative who wanted to get rid of Pakistanis and Indians, and other people from the far south-eastern region of the EU, finds they are still here, curing him,…

A no-column Brexit is the only way forward - November 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - November 18th, 2018

Dear readers, it has been an honour to try to write this week’s supposedly funny column about Brexit for you. But I regret to say that, after a long and painful struggle through Wednesday 14 November and the morning of Thursday 15 November, attempting to write a funny column on this week’s proposed Brexit deal,…

Is it ethical to raise a royal baby in captivity? - October 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - October 21st, 2018

Royal babies are baked to order, like lucky pies, to provide gurgling distractions in times of crisis. Last week, the world’s scientists agreed we have 12 years to limit the worst climate change damage or face mass extinction. Within days, as floods washed away the villages of the Aude valley and their delicious French wines,…

Planet Earth calling Doctor Who’s new Time Lady: save us - October 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - October 14th, 2018

Last week, there was really only one story. And it wasn’t that a children’s television science-fiction character, who never reproduces or has sexual relations with anyone, is now played by a human of a different gender than at any point previously. Despite this, like all the other crying centrists, I wept hot snowflakes to witness…

Don’t drag Abba into Theresa May’s dead cat dance - October 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - October 7th, 2018

The only available room in Birmingham last Tuesday night was an Airbnb on Edward Street. Usually the Birmingham tourist board are giving them away free, with incentivising jars of Bovril and vouchers for the legendary Hurst Street cafe Mr Egg. “Eat like a king for under a pound!” But tonight, Birmingham was buzzing. There was…