Michael Gove’s hot air will eventually choke us all - June 2018 The Observer - June 3rd, 2018

In January, a sulphurous cloud of French pollution drifted across from France to further stink out vast areas of Surrey, its stench so powerful that it overwhelmed the natural foul odours of Eric Clapton, who dwells silently in the hideous region, a subterranean blues truffle. It was as if the smelly Gallic gas glob did…

So that’s Trump’s game – the second coming - May 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - May 20th, 2018

Bear-baiting is officially banned by the bear-loving, politically correct, snowflake brigade. Go and marry a bear and live in a wood eating worms if you love bears so much! And I think you’ll find it was Adam and Eve!! Not Adam and Rupert!!! But after bear-baiting, Thomas Markle Teasing is the next best thing. The…

The full plans for the porn president’s visit to the UK – revealed! - May 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - May 14th, 2018

Desperate for American co-operation with post-Brexit trade, Britain is hamstrung in her reaction to Donald Trump’s withdrawal from the Iran nuclear deal. A man in Southend-on-Sea, who just wanted bendy bananas, eats takeaway butterfly wings, and a nuclear missile hits Tel Aviv. In July, Guardian and Observer readers, their furious tofu-smeared faces red with righteous…

The racists won. So are they happy now? - April 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - April 29th, 2018

I feel sorry for Theresa May. And that Rudd one, who looks like she is wearing a rubber Halloween mask based on her own face. What if, because you were all going on about how great Ukip were, and how Nigel Farage was only saying what people had been thinking all along, and all these…

Stay focused Brexiters – Russia is not the enemy - March 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - March 18th, 2018

Last Sunday, diners from the Salisbury Zizzi were belatedly advised to burn all their clothes as a precautionary measure; as was anyone who had ever visited a Jamie’s Italian, but for different reasons. Enemies of Putin expire and nuclear threats are proliferating across the Earth. Perhaps the trademark robust diplomacy of the foreign secretary Boris…

American Cornish pasties? Did King Arthur die for this? - March 2018 The Observer - March 11th, 2018

Say “Cornwall” to an uncontacted pygmy brave deep in a New Zealand forest and his bamboo flute will swiftly carve the shape of the Cornish pasty into the Shotover riverbank sands. “Oggy, oggy, oggy,” he will cry, as he mimes pushing a too-hot Cornish pasty into his unambiguously delighted face. “Oggy, oggy, oggy!” But last…