The full plans for the porn president’s visit to the UK – revealed! - May 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - May 14th, 2018

Desperate for American co-operation with post-Brexit trade, Britain is hamstrung in her reaction to Donald Trump’s withdrawal from the Iran nuclear deal. A man in Southend-on-Sea, who just wanted bendy bananas, eats takeaway butterfly wings, and a nuclear missile hits Tel Aviv. In July, Guardian and Observer readers, their furious tofu-smeared faces red with righteous…

The racists won. So are they happy now? - April 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - April 29th, 2018

I feel sorry for Theresa May. And that Rudd one, who looks like she is wearing a rubber Halloween mask based on her own face. What if, because you were all going on about how great Ukip were, and how Nigel Farage was only saying what people had been thinking all along, and all these…

Stay focused Brexiters – Russia is not the enemy - March 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - March 18th, 2018

Last Sunday, diners from the Salisbury Zizzi were belatedly advised to burn all their clothes as a precautionary measure; as was anyone who had ever visited a Jamie’s Italian, but for different reasons. Enemies of Putin expire and nuclear threats are proliferating across the Earth. Perhaps the trademark robust diplomacy of the foreign secretary Boris…

American Cornish pasties? Did King Arthur die for this? - March 2018 The Observer - March 11th, 2018

Say “Cornwall” to an uncontacted pygmy brave deep in a New Zealand forest and his bamboo flute will swiftly carve the shape of the Cornish pasty into the Shotover riverbank sands. “Oggy, oggy, oggy,” he will cry, as he mimes pushing a too-hot Cornish pasty into his unambiguously delighted face. “Oggy, oggy, oggy!” But last…

The Brexit culture wars are driving me bananas - March 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - March 4th, 2018

On 10 May 2016, in the closing days of the Brexit campaign, at an impromptu speech in Cornwall, lying Boris Johnson again invoked the Brexiters’ foundation myth that the EU sought to ban bendy bananas. But voters who backed leaving the EU in order to get back the bendy bananas, which had not been taken…

Is a sci-fi-style dystopia such a bad Brexit outcome? - February 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - February 25th, 2018

For nearly 18 months now, the increasingly frustrated European liberal fat-cat elite has been asking for some clues as to what we brave British Brexiters imagine Brexit will be, the pastry edifice of Theresa May’s monumental “Brexit means Brexit” statement having already crumbled last year, when a moth’s tear fell near it. Unable to say…