Will Self has written a puff piece in the New Statesman on Stewart Lee and various instruments across the globe measuring the degree of wank in the world have exploded it has been revealed.
Professor Charles Langtree of The Felchfield Institute said ‘My Twat barometer melted last night.’
‘Then the Wankometer blew up followed by the Arse-i-flex erupting. I have never seen such behaviour on our instruments.’
‘I knew from these actions some horrific trio of turd had occurred and upon investigation found the article.’
‘Despite being politically in the same place, both myself and world instruments can’t cope with the sheer volume of shite. There was a worrying wobble in Neptune’s gravitational field at the same time.’
‘If this causes the universe to implode, I’m going to be really, really annoyed.’
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
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Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
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Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
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Clampdown59, Twitter.
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
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John Robins, Comedian
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
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Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot