YOU’D have to be as drunk as Phil Mitchell to find Celebrity Juice funny. It’s like a tenth rate Shooting Stars.
People titter because Keith Lemon leers at breasts and says “milk, milk”. What are we, six? Ooh, he said fanny, he said poo…
On his live show, Lemon got his first laughs with “Oh f***, we’re live”, followed by “I whacked her in the face with me c**k”.
Oscar Wilde eat yer heart out. This is lobotomised comedy aimed at the Club 18-30 crowd after a night on Jägerbombs – the comic equivalent of a tanked-up footballer at Cheltenham.
It’s lazy toilet humour bereft of wit or insight but it’s still arguably preferable to Stewart Lee’s smart-arse ramblings. Lee caters for the smug, right-on, middle class Guardian-reading crowd – the people who share his elitist prejudices.
He despises Only Fools & Horses, arguably the greatest British sitcom ever made, and only last week said Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust album made him “physically sick”.
On Thursday he turned his fire on the English flag, linking it falsely to the 1970s National Front (who actually marched behind the Union Jack).
He then spent two thirds of a dull, self-indulgent show talking about his cat, allegedly called Jeremy Corbyn, and its diarrhoea – blowing a raspberry for three minutes while it defecated on the cross of St George.
Looking for laughs in this garbage is like searching for the meaning of life in a Joey Essex documentary. Ah, but clever people tell me I’m missing the joke.
Stewart Lee is just as much a character as Keith Lemon, they say, but brighter. His rambling, repetitive shtick is an act.
He’s actually subverting comedy. Maybe so, but 1) it’s very hard to tell where the fake Lee stops and the real Lee starts, and 2) this is the fourth series ploughing the same shallow furrow.
Like a herpes sore, there is no getting rid of him. Comedy is a matter of taste, of course, but it’s a matter of fact that Oxbridge comedians – which Lee is – get most TV bookings because Oxbridge educated commissioners control the process. The same kind of cretins who sacked Les Dawson…
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian