It was my school friend Simon Smith, perpetually and enviably ahead of the curve, who made me see the then unknown REM catch fire at a small student gig at Warwick University in 1984. And so when Simon suggested we see some ‘live art’, at the gallery in Birmingham, by a man called Anthony Howell, I said I’d go. I was sixteen and susceptible.
That night, we sat on plastic chairs in a semi-circle on the flagstones of the gallery café, around two suitcases, a small table and a wardrobe. A compact little man came out and moved the suitcases and the table around in inscrutable silence for forty minutes. Then he climbed into the wardrobe and it fell over. I was in a hot flush of embarrassed hysteria throughout, terrified I would wet my pants and shriek with laughter, puncturing the mood for the two dozen spectators. So this was the pretentious shit those middle class Guardian reading wankers I learned about in my parents’ Daily Mail were watching?
I composed myself for the second half. The art twat came out again, with his smug and insolent face, now lit only by oil lamps, and clambered noiselessly about the same furniture holding two pails of water. Howell had his impenetrably important work to do. We had been invited to watch. And this time I was spellbound, amused, moved to tears even, and converted, though into what I didn’t really know.
I never saw Antony Howell perform again, but his passable poetry washes up in second hand bookshops and he appears to have made a sideways move into Tango. Simon Smith, meanwhile, went on to head E-bay Australia, his nose for culture plugged by the stench of barbecued prawns.
I remain eternally grateful to him for that night in Birmingham. There’s no end of punters posting on-line their loathing of my work, especially when they feel out of step with the crowd. “Everyone around me was loving it,” wrote someone this Summer, “and I hated his guts.” I know how they feel. I suspect that if I had seen my current act as a younger man, its passive-aggressive monotony and veiled performance art strategies might have left me equally irritated. But I take some comfort in the fact that Table Moves, which I remember with great fondness, appeared to me too, at first, to be intolerable.
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
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Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
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Chez, Chortle.com
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Iain, eatenbymissionaries
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Sidsings000, Youtube
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Zombie Hamster, Twitter
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Peter Fears, Twitter
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Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
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Idrie, Youtube
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Birmingham Sunday Mercury
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Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
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Keilloh, Twitter
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Sam Rooney, Youtube
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Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
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Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
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Rudeness, Youtube
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Clampdown59, Twitter.
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12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
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Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
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Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
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Leach Juice, Twitter
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Mearecate, Youtube
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Danazawa, Youtube
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DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
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Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
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Al Murray, Comedian
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FBC, finalgear.com
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GRTak, finalgear.com
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Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
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Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
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Fowkes81, Twitter
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Mpf1947, Youtube
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NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
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Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
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Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
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Aiden Hearn, Twitter
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Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
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Gabrielle, Chortle.com
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Robert Gavin, Twitter
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Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
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World Without End, Twitter
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Carcrazychica, Youtube
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Stuart, Chortle
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Jamespearse, Twitter
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Tokyofist, Youtube
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Foxfoxton, Youtube
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Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
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Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
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Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
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Funday’schild, youtube.
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Kozzy06, Youtube
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Richard Herring, Comedian
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Wharto15, Twitter
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Mini-x2, readytogo.net
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Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
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Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
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98rosjon, Twitter
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Secretdeveloper, Youtube
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Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
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Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
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Microcuts 22, Twitter
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Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
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Sweeping Curves, Twitter
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Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
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Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
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Peter Ould, Youtube
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James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
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Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
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Pudabaya, Twitter
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Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
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Stokeylitfest, Twitter
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Dick Socrates, Twitter
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Rubyshoes, Twitter
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Anon, BBC Complaints Log
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Hiewy, Youtube
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Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
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Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
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A D Ward, Twitter
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Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
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Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
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Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
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Contrapuntal, Twitter
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Aaron, comedy.co.uk
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Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
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Joe, Independent.co.uk
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Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
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Peter Ould, Twitter
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Anamatronix, Youtube
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Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
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Gwaites, Digitalspy
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Mrdavisn01, Twitter
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Emilyistrendy, Youtube
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Frankie Boyle, Comedian
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Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
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Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
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Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
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Fairy Pingu, Twitter
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Meninblack, Twitter
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Tres Ryan, Twitter
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Slothy Matt, Twitter
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Liam Travitt, Twitter
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Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
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General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
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Guest1001, Youtube
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Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
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Cyberbloke, Twitter
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Visualiser1, Twitter
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Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
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Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
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Len Firewood, Twitter
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Brighton Argus
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Borathigh5, Youtube
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John Robins, Comedian
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Joycey, readytogo.net
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Z-factor, Twitter.
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
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Shit Crit, Twitter
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Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
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Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
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Lents, redandwhitekop.com
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Etienne, Chortle.com
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Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
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Horatio Melvin, Twitter
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Bosco239, youtube
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Anon, westhamonline.com
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Tin Frog, Twitter
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Pnethor, pne-online.com
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Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk