I am a stand-up comedian, and I am in the process of previewing a new live show, which I hope to tour until early 2018. It was supposed to be about how the digital, free-market society is reshaping the idea of the individual, but we are in the pre-Brexit events whirlpool, and there has never been a worse time to try to assemble a show that will still mean anything in 18 months’ time.
A joke written six weeks ago about deporting eastern Europeans, intended to be an exaggeration for comic effect, suddenly just reads like an Amber Rudd speech – or, as James O’Brien pointed out on LBC, an extract from Mein Kampf.
A rude riff on Sarah Vine and 2 Girls 1 Cup runs aground because there are fewer people now who remember Vine than recall the briefly notorious Brazilian video clip. I realise that something that gets a cheer on a Tuesday in Harrogate, or Glasgow, or Oxford, could get me lynched the next night in Lincoln. Perhaps I’ll go into the fruit-picking business. I hear there’s about to be some vacancies.
I sit and stare at blocks of text, wondering how to knit them into a homogeneous whole. But it’s Sunday afternoon, a time for supervising homework and finding sports kit. My 11-year-old daughter has a school project on the Victorians and she has decided to do it on dead 19th-century comedians, as we had recently been on a Music Hall Guild tour of their graves at the local cemetery. I wonder if, secretly, she wished I would join them.
I have found living with the background noise of this project depressing. The headstones that she photographed show that most of the performers – even the well-known Champagne Charlie – barely made it past 40, while the owners of the halls outlived them. Herbert Campbell’s obelisk is vast and has the word “comedian” written on it in gold leaf, but it’s in the bushes and he is no longer remembered. Neither are many of the acts I loved in the 1980s – Johnny Immaterial, Paul Ramone, the Iceman.
I would have liked to do some more work on the live show but, one Monday a month, I go to the studios of the largely volunteer-run arts radio station Resonance FM in Borough, south London. Each Wednesday night at 11pm, the masked Canadian stand-up comedian Baconface presents selections from his late brother’s collection of 1950s, 1960s and 1970s jazz, psychedelia, folk, blues and experimental music. I go in to help him pre-record the programmes.
Baconface is a fascinating character, whom I first met at the Cantaloupes Comedy Club in Kamloops in British Columbia in 1994. He sees the radio show as an attempt to atone for his part in his brother’s death, which was the result of a prank gone wrong involving nudity and bacon, though he is often unable to conceal his contempt for the music that he is compelled to play.
The show is recorded in a small, hot room and Baconface doesn’t change the bacon that his mask is made of very often, so the experience can be quite claustrophobic. Whenever we lose tapes or the old vinyl is too warped to play, he just sits back and utters his resigned, philosophical catchphrase, “It’s all bacon!” – which I now find myself using, as I watch the news, with depressing regularity.
After the kids go to sleep, I sit up alone and finally watch The Lady in the Van. Last year, I walked along the street in Camden where it was being filmed, and Alan Bennett talked to me, which was amazing.
About a month later, on the same street, we saw Jonathan Miller skirting some dog’s mess and he told me and the kids how annoyed it made him. I tried to explain to them afterwards who Jonathan Miller was, but to the five-year-old the satire pioneer will always be the Shouting Dog’s Mess Man.
I have the second of the final three preview shows at the intimate Leicester Square Theatre in London before the new show, Content Provider, does a week in big rooms around the country. Today, I was supposed to do a BBC Radio 3 show about improvised music but both of the kids were off school with a bug and I had to stay home mopping up. In between the vomiting, in the psychic shadow of the improvisers, I had something of a breakthrough. The guitarist Derek Bailey, for example, would embrace his problems and make them part of the performance.
I drank half a bottle of wine before going on stage, to give me the guts to take some risks. It’s not a long-term strategy for creative problem-solving, and that way lies wandering around Southend with a pet chicken. But by binning the words that I’d written and trying to repoint them, in the moment, to be about how the Brexit confusion is blocking my route to the show I wanted to write, I can suddenly see a way forward. The designer is in, with samples of a nice coat that she is making for me, intended to replicate the clothing of the central figure in Caspar David Friedrich’s 1818 German masterpiece Wanderer Above a Sea of Fog.
Richard Branson is on the internet and, just as I’d problem-solved my way around writing about it, he’s suggesting that Brexit might not happen. I drop the kids off and sit in a café reading Alan Moore’s new novel, Jerusalem. I am interviewing him about it for the Guardian in two weeks’ time. It’s 1,174 pages long, but what with the show falling apart I have read only 293 pages. Next week is half-term. I’ll nail it. It’s great, by the way, and seems to be about the small lives of undocumented individuals, buffeted by the random events of their times.
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
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Clampdown59, Twitter.
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
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Etienne, Chortle.com
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Guest1001, Youtube
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Foxfoxton, Youtube
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GRTak, finalgear.com
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Joe, Independent.co.uk
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
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Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
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Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
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Z-factor, Twitter.
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
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Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
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Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
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Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
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Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
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Iain, eatenbymissionaries
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
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Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter