Christmas 1972. My mother and I lived at my grandparents’, and my grandad had had a stroke.
I wanted Father Christmas to bring me a castle for Christmas.
I did not realise this was essentially asking my cash-strapped mother for an extra and expensive gift. But Father Christmas delivered the castle, and it was waiting in the morning. Working portcullis. Raised ramparts. Perfect. We lived next door to an old Scottish carpenter with bad eyesight, and budgies. “Go next door and thank Mr Archer for making your castle,” said my grandad. “I thought Father Christmas made it?” I said.
My grandad hastily concocted a cover. “He did. But Mr Archer helped him with it.” I was only four, but I realised that if there was a Father Christmas, he wouldn’t be subcontracting castles to Scottish carpenters. He had elves for that. Ever since, I’ve been an atheist sceptic, but I never lacked a sense of wonder.
What is more inspiring, the flying sled gift man and the barn-born baby, or the retired carpenter, knocking together a handmade castle for the boy of the divorcee next door?
Last Christmas I unboxed it, and gave it to my son.
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Wharto15, Twitter
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Iain, eatenbymissionaries
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Danazawa, Youtube
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Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
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Stuart, Chortle
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Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
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Sidsings000, Youtube
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DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
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Anon, BBC Complaints Log
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Sam Rooney, Youtube
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Liam Travitt, Twitter
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Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
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Sweeping Curves, Twitter
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Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
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Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
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Fowkes81, Twitter
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Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
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Al Murray, Comedian
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Mini-x2, readytogo.net
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A D Ward, Twitter
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Secretdeveloper, Youtube
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Peter Fears, Twitter
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Carcrazychica, Youtube
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Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
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Pnethor, pne-online.com
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Anamatronix, Youtube
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Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
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Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
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Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
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Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
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Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
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Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
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Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
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Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
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Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
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Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
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Len Firewood, Twitter
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Peter Ould, Twitter
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Emilyistrendy, Youtube
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Anon, westhamonline.com
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Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
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Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
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Dick Socrates, Twitter
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Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
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Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
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Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
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Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
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Borathigh5, Youtube
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Peter Ould, Youtube
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Joycey, readytogo.net
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Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
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Horatio Melvin, Twitter
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Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
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Rudeness, Youtube
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Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
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James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
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Stokeylitfest, Twitter
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Bosco239, youtube
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Zombie Hamster, Twitter
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Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
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World Without End, Twitter
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General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
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Mrdavisn01, Twitter
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Microcuts 22, Twitter
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Hiewy, Youtube
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Frankie Boyle, Comedian
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Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
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Pudabaya, Twitter
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Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
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NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
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Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
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Meninblack, Twitter
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98rosjon, Twitter
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Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
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Richard Herring, Comedian
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Tokyofist, Youtube
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Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
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Birmingham Sunday Mercury
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Keilloh, Twitter
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Tin Frog, Twitter
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Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
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Visualiser1, Twitter
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Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
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Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
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Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
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Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
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Jackmumf, Twitter
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Lents, redandwhitekop.com
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John Robins, Comedian
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Aaron, comedy.co.uk
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Shit Crit, Twitter
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Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
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Fairy Pingu, Twitter
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Kozzy06, Youtube
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Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
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GRTak, finalgear.com
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12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
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Jamespearse, Twitter
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Guest1001, Youtube
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Mearecate, Youtube
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Gwaites, Digitalspy
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Joe, Independent.co.uk
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Cyberbloke, Twitter
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Gabrielle, Chortle.com
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Foxfoxton, Youtube
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Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
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FBC, finalgear.com
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
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Mpf1947, Youtube