Christmas 1972. My mother and I lived at my grandparents’, and my grandad had had a stroke.
I wanted Father Christmas to bring me a castle for Christmas.
I did not realise this was essentially asking my cash-strapped mother for an extra and expensive gift. But Father Christmas delivered the castle, and it was waiting in the morning. Working portcullis. Raised ramparts. Perfect. We lived next door to an old Scottish carpenter with bad eyesight, and budgies. “Go next door and thank Mr Archer for making your castle,” said my grandad. “I thought Father Christmas made it?” I said.
My grandad hastily concocted a cover. “He did. But Mr Archer helped him with it.” I was only four, but I realised that if there was a Father Christmas, he wouldn’t be subcontracting castles to Scottish carpenters. He had elves for that. Ever since, I’ve been an atheist sceptic, but I never lacked a sense of wonder.
What is more inspiring, the flying sled gift man and the barn-born baby, or the retired carpenter, knocking together a handmade castle for the boy of the divorcee next door?
Last Christmas I unboxed it, and gave it to my son.
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
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Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
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Lents, redandwhitekop.com
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Rudeness, Youtube
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Liam Travitt, Twitter
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
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Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
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Peter Ould, Twitter
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Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
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Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
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Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
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Meninblack, Twitter
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Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
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Peter Fears, Twitter
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Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
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Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
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Mini-x2, readytogo.net
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Iain, eatenbymissionaries
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Jackmumf, Twitter
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Birmingham Sunday Mercury
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Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
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Contrapuntal, Twitter
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Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
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World Without End, Twitter
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Hiewy, Youtube
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Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
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John Robins, Comedian
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Aiden Hearn, Twitter
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NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
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Pudabaya, Twitter
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Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
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Stokeylitfest, Twitter
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FBC, finalgear.com
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Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
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Borathigh5, Youtube
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Emilyistrendy, Youtube
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12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
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Wharto15, Twitter
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Robert Gavin, Twitter
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Dick Socrates, Twitter
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Horatio Melvin, Twitter
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Keilloh, Twitter
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Anamatronix, Youtube
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General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
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Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
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Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
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Mearecate, Youtube
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Fairy Pingu, Twitter
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Jamespearse, Twitter
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Sidsings000, Youtube
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Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
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Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
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Cyberbloke, Twitter
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98rosjon, Twitter
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Gwaites, Digitalspy
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DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
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Secretdeveloper, Youtube
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Tokyofist, Youtube
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Stuart, Chortle
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Carcrazychica, Youtube
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Joe, Independent.co.uk
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
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Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
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Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
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Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
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Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
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Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
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Clampdown59, Twitter.
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Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
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Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
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Fowkes81, Twitter
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Peter Ould, Youtube
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Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
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Funday’schild, youtube.
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Etienne, Chortle.com
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Tin Frog, Twitter
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Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
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Visualiser1, Twitter
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Mrdavisn01, Twitter
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Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
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Danazawa, Youtube
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Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
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Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
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Guest1001, Youtube
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Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
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Rubyshoes, Twitter
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Len Firewood, Twitter
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Shit Crit, Twitter
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Mpf1947, Youtube
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Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
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Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
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Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
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Tres Ryan, Twitter
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James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
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Leach Juice, Twitter
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Kozzy06, Youtube
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Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
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Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
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Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
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Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
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Sam Rooney, Youtube
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
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Frankie Boyle, Comedian
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Slothy Matt, Twitter
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Richard Herring, Comedian
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
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Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
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Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
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Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter